Het volwassen leven wordt sterk getekend door de uitdagingen op de gebieden van sjalom habajiet (echtelijk leven), chinoech (opvoeding van de kinderen) en natuurlijk parnasa (levensonderhoud/werk).
Dagelijks zijn er situaties waardoor we makkelijk ontvlammen vanwege tegenslagen op deze gebieden. Maar helpt boos worden nu echt? Wat zegt de joodse traditie, in de woorden van de Rambam, over woede en boos worden?
[In contrast,] there is the calm individual who is never moved to anger, or, if at all, he will be slightly angry, [perhaps once] during a period of several years.
— MISJNEE TORA, DEÖT, HOOFDSTUK 1, HALACHA 1
He should display anger only when the matter is serious enough to warrant it, in order to prevent the matter from recurring.
— MISJNEE TORA, DEÖT, HOOFDSTUK 1, HALACHA 4
Volgens de Rambam is alleen het tonen van woede gerechtvaardigd; het ervaren van woede of het opgaan in woede wordt niet gerechtvaardigd.
In a similar manner, the prophets called God by other titles: “Slow to anger,” … [They did so] to inform us that these are good and just paths. A person is obligated to accustom himself to these paths and [to try to] resemble Him to the extent of his ability.
— MISJNEE TORA, DEÖT, HOOFDSTUK 1, HALACHA 6
Hasjeem moeten we begrijpen als ‘moeizaam kwaad te krijgen’. En aangezien wij in zijn gelijkenis geschapen zijn, zijn wij opgedragen zelf ook lastig boos te worden.
Anger is … an exceptionally bad quality. It is fitting and proper that one move away from it and adopt the opposite extreme. He should school himself not to become angry even when it is fitting to be angry. If he should wish to arouse fear in his children and household – or within the community, if he is a communal leader – and wishes to be angry at them to motivate them to return to the proper path, he should present an angry front to them to punish them, but he should be inwardly calm. He should be like one who acts out the part of an angry man in his wrath, but is not himself angry.
The early Sages said: Anyone who becomes angry is like one who worships idols. They also said: Whenever one becomes angry, if he is a wise man, his wisdom leaves him; if he is a prophet, his prophecy leaves him. The life of the irate is not true life.
Therefore, they have directed that one distance himself from anger and accustom himself not to feel any reaction, even to things which provoke anger. This is the good path.
— MISJNEE TORA, DEÖT, HOOFDSTUK 2, HALACHA 3
Woede is een slechte eigenschap waarvan wij afstand moeten nemen. Hoe lastig onze dagelijkse uitdagingen ook mogen zijn op de gebieden van sjalom habajiet, chinoech en parnasa, we horen tegen onszelf te blijven zeggen: doe niet zo boos!
